The past year has been a tough one. I privately struggled for months before I let anyone in on what was really happening in my life. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to admit to anyone that I struggled with anxiety, and I definitely didn’t want to admit to myself that my depression was sneaking back in. I only really started talking about it recently, and I wish I had started earlier.
It’s a lot easier to combat the lies Satan puts in our minds when we talk about them with other people who know and love Jesus – but I didn’t talk to anyone. Like I said, I didn’t even want to admit to myself that anything was wrong. I let myself believe that I wasn’t good enough to handle all the responsibilities of adulthood. I took on other people’s issues and made them my own. I started dealing with health issues that put me in an even more anxious state. I’d been watching my mom navigate Lyme Disease and really learned what people mean when they say, “It will get worse before it gets better.” I was being drained. I knew something had to change but I didn’t know what to do – so I prayed.
I started praying that God would take my life and flip it around. As I was praying, I kept hearing the word Hosanna over and over in my head. I’ve sung, “Hosanna in the Highest” plenty of times, but I never really knew what the word meant – even after hearing the story every year about Jesus riding in on the donkey and the people of Jerusalem shouting, “Hosanna in the Highest Heaven!” (Matthew 21:9). After a little digging around on Google, I found that the word “Hosanna” was basically an SOS from the people of Jerusalem – not just a shout of praise. Hosanna carries more weight than that; it’s a plea for deliverance. Crying “Hosanna!” is begging God to restore your soul. That is exactly how I felt and, if I’m honest, still feel.
A few months ago, I needed God to deliver me. I felt “Hosanna” in every part of my soul. I needed a break from the weight I was carrying, weight than wasn’t mine in the first place. Every day is new and full of uncertainty, but I’m learning to fully rely on God and to trust His words. I’m learning the real meaning of Hosanna.
Gracie Adamek attends the College of Lake County and hopes to one day be a special education teacher. She likes to sing, act, knit, and write. She hopes you enjoy your time here, reading these blogs, and is very grateful for the opportunity to glorify God through her words